Now by Laurence Lerner

               Now

Yes, now, as I entered the tube,

As the door slid shut with unconcern,

As no-one looked up, I felt your grip

Tighten, and now my blood

Races in tunnels from you.

                                       Listen, now,

You catch at my heart and then let go.

I know those fingers, recognise the touch,

The tearing muscles, the insensate lurch,

The dip and the recovery of my heart.

My heart beats fast at its ring of fat,

Will go on beating as long as blood

Gets through the gap ; till I drop down dead

I will feel in my limbs what my heart is at.

As I did just now. The train moves on,

Flows in the tunnel like blood and the men

Rustle their newspapers. It’s not true

That it doesn’t hurt when you run your nails

Along the tissues. And what leaps up

When your fingers flex is no longer hope.

What flows in my veins is only blood.

Let me go. This time. Just this once

Let the train move on and the door slide shut

And you on the platform. No-one’s heart

Is stronger than so many times, and – now –

That was another. It isn’t true

That habit and newspapers kill the pain.

You can dry my blood though I know you so well.

I carry you with me. I always shall.

Laurence Lerner, Selves (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1969), no pagination.